Sup, Bitches. It’s me Grandma Winters in my first edition of Ask G-Dub. Let’s see, WWTD. Oh, rants. I have a rant. Don’t you hate it when your panties ride up your cheeks? I mean, I have some sweet thongs that I wear, what can I say, I’m a Original Skillet, but I hate when that shit gets up there so tight that I have to dig it out with the jaws of life. I really hate it. Now, on to the questions.
Phil in Portland, OR – Grandma, why haven’t you returned any of my calls. I love you.
Oh, Phil. You exploded in .3 seconds. Grandma can’t handle that shit, bitch.
Mary in Manchester, England – G-Dub, what was life like growing up as an Original Skillet? Do you think I’ll ever get top that level?
Of course you won’t Mary. I had to go through some tough times to be dubbed the Original Skillet. I’ve been bringing skillets up before you could even walk, girl. I remember back in 1920, January I think it was. There was this fellow named Babe, who played for the Red Sox. He wanted these kitchens so bad, but I was in New York at the time. I’m not gonna lie, I wanted that bologn pretty bad, so I poked a guy named Harry Frazee so that we would trade the Babe to New York. Let’s put it this way, Mary, the curse was all about my Vag. When you cause that many people that much heartache with your Vag, then we’ll talk, sugar.
Mike in Torino, Canada – G-ma, is it true you stopped World War II?
Oh Mike, of course it is. I fucked Adolph to death… all of the 3rd Riech, too. Word.
Ryan in Dallas, TX – I love you.
We’ve gone over this young man… No more 3 somes. You end up watching me and your lady rub monkeys.
Amy in Ithica, NY – What’s the meaning of life.
Drinkin’, Fuckin’, and Fightin’.
Michelle in Chapel Hill, NC – G-Dub, may I have Toph’s number? I want to make babies with him.
Oh, Michelle, no grandchild of mine is going to have children until I am dead and gone. I am already the hottest G-Ma alive. No way do I want to be hottest Great G-Ma Alive. I would have to change nicknames. 2 G’s Winters? I think not. We all know what happened to the last person named 2 G’s. I killed him.
Rani in Dallas, TX – G-Dub, how do you stay so fabulous?
I have sex 2 times a day. I eat as much as possible. I walk on a treadmill. And I have the cure for cancer. What else do you need.
That’s all the time I have for today. I’ll finish this up Toph style.
Here’s what I am watching: Monday: Golden Girls | Tuesday: Cosby Show | Wednesday: Project Runway | Thursday: Trading Spaces | Friday – Sunday: Drinkin’, Fuckin’, Fightin’
Here’s what I am listening to: Beatles: Abbey Road | Weezer: Blue Album | Toadies: Possum Kingdom
Lata, Bitches.
