Toph Speaks

Rachel, let’s talk. I think we need to before you do something horrendously wrong. First, I want us to look at the past. Did I like that you and Adam Brody were together? Of course I didn’t, but I accepted it because he’s funny. I’m cool with that, but only because he’s funny. I must say, though, when you broke up I was a little happy. Not like the I’m coming after you because I’m creepy kind of happy, but more like the I’m still engaged but this makes you much hotter kind of happy. Big difference I tell you. So, after a few months of being single, you just give up on life? I mean, you’re Rachel Bilson. Sure, you’ve had no work since The O.C., despite your amazing performance in Last Kiss, but did you have to stoop so low? When I read that you and Hayden Christensen were an item, I almost puked. Seriously, why would you do that? He is probably the worst actor to ever be in a movie, and I’m even including Bruce Willis in that statement. More importantly, Rachel, he’s Canadian. I was so sad for that week. Luckily, for both of us, those reports ended rather quickly, and it was safe to assume you were single Rachel Bilson again. You’re hotness once again rose, and I gave you a little credit for going the Star Wars route. What I am trying to figure out is where the hell did this come from? There is absolutely no way this true. Ricky Fucking Martin? Come on! Where do I start? This guy has to be pushing 40 right now. He’s been nowhere in sight since the “Shake Your Bon Bon” days, and even then he shouldn’t have been in sight. Rachel, that was like 5 years ago. We were still in college, and even then we made fun of him. (We being me and my friends, not you.)

Do you notice a trend here, Rach? People think these dudes are gay, which is fine, but come on. What do they have that I don’t? I mean, sure I’m engaged, but we can all work something out. Granted, I don’t have any big movie or singing career, but let’s be honest, neither do they. In fact, I probably make about as much money as both of them. Yeah, Rachel, you heard me.

I’m just saying think about it. If not, at least step it up. My God, Rachel. You’re way too hot for all of this.

curious how many find this from searching rachel bilson. there were a shit load today, before i even posted it. we’ll see…