It’s my favorite day of the year. Why? Because, I know that once I get home I will get a steak accompanied by a blowjob. How does my life keep getting better? I’ll tell you. First, I went and got me a Brazilian chick to become engaged to, whose name happens to be Toph Girl. Everything I tell her she does. Secondly, because today is National Steak and Blowjob Day.

What is National Steak and Blowjob Day? Pretty much the greatest day in the world, that’s what.
What do you get? You get a steak and blowjob. Keep up, idiot. Why was Steak and Blowjob Day invented? Chicks get Valentine’s Day and we get Steak and Blowjob day. Many people think they made up Steak and Blowjob Day, but it actually happened while I was in college. I was hanging out with Jon and Torres, and we were really drunk. Jon wanted a steak, and Torres wanted a blowjob. I was confused and got the fuck out, because who knows where those things go when you are drunk and high. Did I not mention the high part? I walk outside, and there are 3 chicks cooking steak, half naked. “Um,” I thought, “This could go one of two ways. One, I could make a fool of myself. Two, I could get you all Steak and Blowjobs.” I told them the problem, and they agreed. We ate steak, and then we got Blowjobs. It was nice. We decided that day; March 14, 2001 would be Steak and Blowjob Day. Here it is, 6 years later, and people are talking about it on websites. I’m such a fucking hero.

2006 was crazy. What more can I say? It started off in a large cozy apartment in Dallas. I was working for the Dallas Morning News, and sexing the ladies as much as possible. It’s going to end in a tiny apartment in San Francisco, working for the San Francisco Chronicle, sexing as many ladies as I can. Some thing’s don’t change. The job has again, as the new year will bring a new job for Relevant Searches working with Ray, Beau and Blake. Here’s my ‘06 year in review.

Best Sports Moment – New Orleans Saints. What the Saints have done this year has not only been impressive, it has been touching. For a city that desperately wanted something to hold on to, the Saints have been exactly what it needed. Joe Horn, Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush have revitalize the city. Even as a Cowboy fan, it has been fun to watch.

Also receiving votes – UT wins National Championship, Tony Romo, LT scores again, Mavs in Finals, World Cup.

Worst Sports Moment – Cory Lidle. Shocked by news of a plane crashing into a New York apartment building, the world sat and waited to hear the details. Terrorist? News came down that it was New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle who was flying his personal jet to be home with his family. Cory Lidle died in the crash. Leaving his family behind.

Also receiving votes – The passing of Lamar Hunt, Barry Bonds, The Bengal’s All-Jail Team, The Knicks, The NBA’s New Ball

Best Quote – “With the psychotic, middle-aged Madonna out there on the loose buying up all the stolen Negro babies in Africa, I felt it my social and humanitarian duty to take in any young, beautiful and sexy orphaned Jew teens running wild in Beverly Hills.” – Vincent Gallo on dating 16 year old, blogger Cory Kennedy.

Also receiving votes – George Bush

Worst Quote (maybe best) – “I enjoy cocaine because it’s a fun thing to do… I enjoy the company of prostitutes for the following reasons: it’s a fun thing to do. … If you combine the two together it’s probably even more fun.” –Rep. Robert Wexler (D-Fla.), after being egged on to make those statement during an interview with Stephen Colbert

Also receiving votes – George Bush

Best News Story – Dick and his guns. The Vice President shot his friend while Quail Hunting and nothing happened. Let’s say Ryan, Bisch and I went Quail Hunting and I shot Bisch. Wouldn’t I go to jail? This would be hilarious on so many levels.

Also receiving votes – War on Terror, James Kim, SF Chronicle in jail

Worst News Story – John Mark Karr – After weeks of hearing about Karr being the murderer of Jon Benet Ramsey, we learned that it wasn’t him. He’s still creepy, though.

Also receiving votes – Hurricane Katrina, Celebrity Weddings

Best Gadget – Nike + iPod Sport Kit. You don’t just take iPod nano on your run. You let it take you. Music is your motivation. But what if you want to go further? Thanks to a unique partnership between NIKE and Apple, your iPod nano becomes your coach. Your personal trainer. Your favorite workout companion. Introducing Nike + iPod.

Also receiving votes – MacBook Pro, Palm Treo

Worst Gadget – Kazza 3. Okay, so it’s not really a gadget, but it does let you put music on your iPod. Except, of course, doing so could get you arrested. I’m not getting arrested for Jay-Z. Kelly Clarkson? Maybe….

Also receiving votes – Sony Walkman Bean, Intel’s Voice-Activated Remote Control.

Best Song – Sexy Back. Whether you’d like to admit it or not JT made us move in ‘06. Let’s just admit it. I’ve been sexy for a long time. Take me to the bridge.

Also receiving votes – Kelly Clarkson, Snow Patrol, Jack’s Mannequin, Dave Matthews Band

Worst Song - Paris Hilton Stars are Blind. Paris, please stick to sex videos and being hot.

Also receiving votes – Taylor Hicks, Mary J. Blige, and many more.

Best Fashion Trend – High Heels and Shorts. Dear god. It got out of control. Step aside High Boots and skirts. The first time I saw this trend was with Jennifer Aniston. I didn’t think it could get much better. Well… it did. Thanks, Adriana Lima.

Also receiving votes – High Boots and skirts, Tube Tops, Leg Warmers and skirts

Worst Fashion Trend – Huge sweaters and leggings. Ladies, attention! You are not Siena Miller, and you never will be. Take off the leggings, now and more on with your life. Guess what? This isn’t the 80’s either.

Also receiving votes – MoMo’s, Oversized Belts, Uggs.

Best Lifestyle – Tophinal. Basically, living like me. It’s pretty great, and a lot of people are doing very well for themselves by following my simple life rules.

Also receiving votes – Lesbian

Worst Lifestyle – Emo. Where have you little guys gone? Try not to get upset, but emo-kids are done.

Also receiving votes – Homeless.

Best Breast – Scarlett Johannson. Nothing more to say.

Also receiving votes – Jessica Simpson, Jenn Sterger, Rachel Bilson, Angelina Jolie, Marisa Miller, Adriana Lima

Worst Breast – Tara Reid. What happened? I used to love her. Her deep raspy voice, amazing body, and funny, to boot. However, botch surgeries killed her year and mine. Here’s to a speedy recovery Tara.

Also receiving votes – Pam Anderson, Tori Spelling, Vivica A. Fox

Worst Skillet – Helena Bonham Carter. There is nothing hot about this British chick. Why people think this is beyond me!

Skillet of the Year – Rachel Bilson. Things change. Rachel Bilson may be the breakout of the year. Not only is she stunning, but she has had a breakout year. She was simplyamazing in Last Kiss. Only aided by the nude scene. The O.C. may be cancelled, but she will always be in my heart. It doesn’t hurt that she is newly single. I might have a chance.

She could be my favorite for some time to come.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed your 2006. Please feel free to call me an idiot and add your own. I may make a few changes based on it, because I probably missed some things. But no matter how you feel, Ray and Blake, Rachel Bilson is the skillet of the year. Late. See you in ‘07!